The Fantasy Football Update You've All Been Waiting For

Seeing as the fantasy football season is over halfway through, I figured now would be the perfect time to pop in for a fantasy football update. Because other than disgusting you by posting my pornographic thoughts of Claude Giroux and Sergei Bobrovsky, I've got nothing else to write about right now.

Now you may remember my original fantasy football roster, well, she's undergone quite a few changes. Of the original 15, only 9 remain. Here is what my roster looks like now.

When I did this draft, I never thought I would end up with Ryan Torain on my team. Ben Watson and Mike Tolbert are recent pick-ups that will be on my team for the first time this Sunday.  Now the standings.  I started out a dynamic 3-0 setting the fantasy football world ablaze yo, but I have cooled off since then, going 1-4 in the past 5 weeks.  But because the NFC is so crappy, I am miraculously tied for 1st place!  Check it out.

The funny part is the last place in the AFC is currently good for being all one in 1st place in the NFC.  Man, these inter-conference pairings have been lobsided.

This coming Sunday, Calvin And Hobbs' brave football players will take to the field against kt1000's Pink Flamingos.  He's got Michael Turner, Darren McFadden, Miles Austin, Calvin Johnson and this is the week Chris Johnson has his bye.  Come on Ryan Tolbert!  Aspeaking of Ryan Tolbert, I almost took BenJarvus Green-Ellis instead of Tolbert to play RB this week, as C.J. Spiller needed to be cut for providing me with shit for 9 weeks.  I now expect Green-Ellis to run for 300 yards this Sunday while scoring 3 touchdowns.

Update: I cut Roy Williams and added BenJarvus Green-Ellis.

NFL Week 9 Schedule

There are good things and bad things about going to college in rural PA where I get 3 affiliates that carry football games, KYW out of Philadelphia, WYOU out of Scranton, and WOLF out of Wilkes-Barre. There are weeks like last week where the 2 CBS affiliates, KYW and WYOU, show different games and thus I get 4 regional broadcasts instead of the normal 3. Then there are weeks like this where because I don't get WTFX out of Philadelphia, weeks like this week can happen where the only 1:00 ET time game I get is........(wait for it, wait for it)...........Jets vs. Lions. Bleh. At least that game has got Gus Johnson........(games I get are in bold)

Map of who gets what Fox game.

Arizona Cardinals vs. Minnesota Vikings 1:00 (Fox - Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, and Tony Siragusa)
New Orleans Saints vs. Carolina Panthers 1:00 (Fox - Dick Stockton and Charles Davis)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons 1:00 (Fox - Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick)
Chicago Bears vs. Buffalo Bills (game to be played in Toronto) 1:00 (Fox - Sam Rosen and Tim Ryan)

New York Giants vs. Seattle Seahawks 4:05 (Fox - Joe Buck and Troy Aikman)

Map of who gets what CBS early game.

Miami Dolphins vs. Baltimore Ravens 1:00 (CBS - Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf)
San Diego Chargers vs. Houston Texans 1:00 (CBS - Ian Eagle and Dan Fouts)
New York Jets vs. Detroit Lions 1:00 (CBS - Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker)
New England Patriots vs. Cleveland Browns 1:00 (CBS - Bill Macatee and Rich Gannon)

Map of who gets what CBS late game.

Indianapolis Colts vs. Philadelphia Eagles 4:15 (CBS - Jim Nantz and Phil Simms)
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Oakland Raiders 4:15 (CBS - Kevin Harlan and Solomon Wilcots)

Sunday Night Football

Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers 8:20 (NBC - Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth)

Monday Night Football

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Cincinnati Bengals 8:30 (ESPN - Mike Tirico, Ron Jaworski, and Jon Gruden)

The Return Of JaMarcus?

So, uh, with Shanahan's latest excuse being Donovan McNabb not having the cardiovascular ability to lead a 2-minute offense, isn't it ironic that the Redskins would bring in JaMarucs Russell for a workout?

NFL sources told FOX 26 Sports former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell will work out Tuesday for the Washington Redskins.

Russell, the number one overall draft pick in 2007, was released by the Raiders in May. In three years as a starting quarterback in Oakland, Russell had 7-18 record.

For three months, Russell has been working with former NBA head coach John Lucas in Houston in an effort to get a second chance in the NFL.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! McNabb has "cardiovascular problems," so Mike Shanahan is bringing in a guy who earlier this year weighed over 300 pounds and recently was arrested for drug problems. Oh, and there is the whole part about how he fucking sucks as a quarterback.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Giants Win The World Series

Sunday, October 3, 2010, 1:35 PM ET: It's the last day of the MLB season. Game 162. And the games matter. The day starts with the Atlanta Braves hosting the Philadelphia Phillies. If the Phillies win, the Giants are guaranteed at the very least a playoff spot. It starts off great for the Giants. The Phillies jump off to a 2-0 lead and it looks for all the world that Bobby Cox's last stand will end in Turner Field in humiliating fashion on the last game of the season. A Phillies team with nothing to play for all series long could single handedly send a choking Giants team to the playoffs.....

But Danys Baez enters this game to pitch. And the meltdown begins. 2-0 Phillies becomes 8-2 Braves faster than you can say "Danys Baez, Mike Zagurski, and J.C. Romero are useless pieces of garbage and Joe Blanton in relief is a great idea if you ever want to lose a baseball game." The Phillies rally. 8-2 becomes 8-5. Then 8-7. The Giants may not have to worry after all.......

....The rally was never complete. Braves win 8-7.

Sunday, October 3, 2010: 4:05 PM ET: The Giants send Jonathan Sanchez to the mound in San Francisco against Padre ace Mat Latos in San Francisco with everything to play for, and an arduous road ahead if they lose. If the Padres win and sweep the series, the Giants would have to go on the road and face the Padres in an NL West tie-breaker on Monday with Tim Lincecum on the mound. Win that, and they would need to go to Turner Field to face the Braves in a wildcard tie-breaker on Tuesday. Win that, and on Wednesday, they would start an NLDS series at Philadelphia against a rested Roy Halladay with who knows what pitcher on the mound. The odds would be stacked immensely against the Giants. 4 games in 4 cities in 4 days would be brutal on any team, especially considering the stakes of all those games would be higher than high. 0-0, bottom of the 3rd inning, Jonathan Sanchez hits a triple.......

Monday, November 1, 2010: 10:30 PM ET: The San Francisco Giants are World Champions of baseball.

It happened that fast. An excellent starting pitching staff combined with a very solid bullpen, 3 real good hitters, and a bunch of medicore "huh, they are still playing baseball?" veterans combined to win the World Series. One of those mediocre veterans, Edgar Renteria, won 2010 MVP. Think about it for a minute. Edgar Renteria. 2010 World Series MVP. Edgar. Renteria.

Everything about this run by the Giants has been improbable: the absurd bounces, the ridiculous hot streak from Cody Ross in the NLCS, ridiculous BABIP, the timely hits from Juan Uribe, opposing team's line drives magically finding their ways to Giants gloves time after time again, the hot streak of Edgar Renteria in the World Series, the meek Giant groundballs that squirted through and led to runs, a kid 1 month and 15 days older than me who was struggling with his fastball in the minors earlier in the season pitching the game of a lifetime in Game 4 of the World Series, the unprecedented 6 1-run wins in the post-season, the incredible luck. It all combined together to equal a Giants World Series championship.

Go back to October 3, 2010 at 1:04 PM. Simulate the scenario from then to the playoffs 1,000 times. How many times would the Giants end up as World Series champions? Less than 50? I'd say so. The crazy thing about sports, baseball in particular, is the best team does not always win. If that was the case, we'd be talking about the Rays, Twins, Phillies, or Yankees right about now as World Champions. The best baseball teams of 2010? The truth lies somewhere within the middle of the aforementioned 4. But it's the hottest team at the right time wins. The luckiest team at the right time wins. That team? The San Francisco Giants.

Is that to say it is undeserved championship? Absolutely not. Any team that wins a division in baseball and makes the playoffs is going to be good enough to at least make a run at things, even if they are not the best. 2009 Yankees? They can say there were one of the best in the league. 2008 Phillies? Not among the best of teams. 2007 Red Sox? Among one of the best. 2006 Cardinals? Not even close to being the best; they won a putrid division with a record barely above .500! 2005 White Sox? Up there with the best. 2004 Red Sox? Nope. 2003 Marlins? Nowhere near the best. 2002 Angels? No. 2001 Diamondbacks? They were not the team that set a major league record with 116 wins in a single season.

Over half of the above teams were not among the best or one of the best overall teams in baseball when they won the World Series, yet how many people are saying that the 2008 Phillies did not deserve it, or the 2001 Diamondbacks winning is a scandal? A lot of these teams have got very lucky with some bounces along the way, as did the Giants, but that does not mean they are undeserved champions.

Congrats to the San Francisco Giants. The well-deserved 2010 World Champions of baseball.

MLB Playoffs Day 21 Live Blog

Giants vs. Rangers 7:30 (Fox - Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, SR: Ken Rosenthal)

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE LIVE BLOG

Thom Brennaman Reveals Dark Secret Of Troy Aikman

I am not going to pretend like this in anyway trumps Thom Brennaman's man love for Tim Tebow, but I think it comes pretty close to it. Behold, the announcing quote of the year!



"Troy Aikman, you know all about getting blasted in your chin."

That's more information about Troy Aikman than I ever needed to know.

Poor Performance Causes Shanahan To Bench McNabb; Put In Rex Grossman. Seriously

And this is what happened on Sexy Rexy's 1st play in the game.



Game-clinching touchdown.......for the other team.

Donovan McNabb is a free agent at the end of this season and he will be wise to do whatever it takes to make sure he plays for the Minnesota Vikings next season. The Vikings, in turn, will be wise to do whatever they can to make sure Donovan McNabb is their QB next season. McNabb does not thrive in places like Washington where there is a dearth of talent at the skill position. He can't make no-names look great like Brady in Belichick's system or Peyton Manning can, but he can be very good for a team with some great weapons and an excellent running game, like Minnesota has. If people have brain cells, McNabb will be a Viking next season.

Also of note, I think that is the hardest I have ever seen Rex Grossman "throw" a football.