Classless Philly Fans Troll The Weather Channel's Hurricane Irene Coverage

What is up with all these darned Philly fans? They have taken numerous baseball fields by storm this season with their needless trespassing, and now, they have set their sites on a new victim. Hurricane Irene and The Weather Channel's coverage of Hurricane Irene. Yes, there is no better way to enjoy a hurricane than by running outside in it, crossing a TWC camera, and showing all the world your junk. Be appalled at the actions of these Philly fans by following the jump. (It goes without say the following video is NSFW; this is an unedited version and if you click on it, you will see some random dude's dong)

A Night Of Nakedness

Tonight's sports games really stripped their games down to the raw, naked core. No, really, that is what happened.

First there was a streaker at the Cubs-Marlins game...

I'd add try to find and link to unedited photo/video screencap revealing everything for you colossal perverts out there, but given that tan line, that is something I don't think the horniest of people want to see.

"Amusing things amuse little minds." - Chris Pronger talking about Ben Eager's reaction to Chris Pronger taking the puck after the Blackhawks won Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals.  While that was a throwaway line not meant to be used 11 and a half months later, it did hold true for what happened just a few hours after the Marlins streaker took to Sun Life Stadium like a bulb of gas.  The pea-brained Eager decided it would be a good idea to take 6 total penalties, 4 of which he sat in the penalty box for.  Outside of the fact that remembering one sentence, let alone a whole rulebook, is hard for Eager, I think I may have found another alternative explanation as to why Ben Eager took the penalties that he did.  Just look at what was waiting for him in the penalty box.

If ever there was a logical explanation for pure stupidity, this is it right here.

Click here to see the unedited/uncensored version of the photo, as seen on CBC.

The Most Disgusting AFC Championship Game Ever

First up, during the opening drive of the game, Mark Sanchez was spotted on the sidelines by the CBS cameras picking a booger and wiping it on Mark Brunell's jaket.



And during the final series of the game when Ben Roethlisberger took his first knee, Rashard Mendenhall felt it necessary to give Ben a little payback for all his alleged rapings.



Nothing says celebrating an AFC Championship game quite like dry humping your quarterback.

I'll have more on the Green Bay-Pittsburgh Super Bowl as we get closer to the day, including my official prediction.

Joe Theismann Has Created A Unique Nickname For Danny Woodhead

I am sure bloopers happen all the time, but rarely are they as funny as this one. While taping a segment of No Huddle for the NFL Network, Joe Theismann and Deion Sanders (with others in the background) were discussing how the New York Jets could defend the New England Patriots offensive weapons. And inevitably, the tight ends and running backs were going to be mentioned. In particular, running back Danny Woodhead. Only, Joe Theismann did not exactly call him Danny Woodhead. And as you can imagine, the NFL Network guys (particularly Deion Sanders) handled this with the kind of aplomb you would expect; laughing uncontrollably for over 2 minutes. Enjoy!



Well then. It's good to know what Joe Theismann is thinking about, and all the while, disturbing to know that is what he's thinking about. Regardless, this blooper is excellent to watch if you are ever having a bad day.

Thom Brennaman Reveals Dark Secret Of Troy Aikman

I am not going to pretend like this in anyway trumps Thom Brennaman's man love for Tim Tebow, but I think it comes pretty close to it. Behold, the announcing quote of the year!



"Troy Aikman, you know all about getting blasted in your chin."

That's more information about Troy Aikman than I ever needed to know.

The Legend Of Pat Burrell Continues To Grow

For those that have not been following the awesomeness of Brian Wilson, he has been referencing a character known as The Machine for a good part of the season. These verbal references came in a post-game interview after the NLCS and in an interview with Jim Rome. Then, The Machine literally made an appearance while Brian Wilson was being interviewed by Cheap Seats. So the big question is, who is this guy? Well, thanks to some top-notch sleuthing, meech.one of The Fightins has uncovered the answer.

After narrowing down the suspects, [Deadspin] decided that the culprit was more than likely Pat Burrell, former left-fielder for the Philadelphia Phillies and Wilson’s current teammate. Now that’s some mighty fine investigative work by the Deadspin boys, because for the last couple of years, I have been sitting on a picture of Pat Burrell in all his gimp-outiftted glory, but never ran it because the guy who gave me the picture didn’t want to get caught.

Well, that was a few years ago when Pat Burrell was a Phillie, and since he’s now with the SF Giants, and it’s basically public knowledge anyway, I’m gonna go ahead and share the picture with everyone…

I don’t really want to go into detail about how I acquired this picture, but it was taken at Pat Burrell’s house in Arizona during a Christmas party in (I believe) December of ’04 (possibly ’05). According to my picture-taking accomplice, every year during his Christmas party — which is attended by a veritable who’s who of baseballers who spend their winters out in AZ — Pat wanders upstairs and slips into his assless-chapped gimp outfit to entertain his party guests while making them feel extremely uncomfortable all at the same time.

Please excuse the bare-assedness of the following photo taken 5 years ago of The Machine.

In his post-NLCS interview linked to above, when talking about C.J. Wilson's trash talk on Twitter, Brian Wilson mentioned that "I think The Machine will say all he needs to say when he makes an appearance again," thus sort of referencing the fact that he might be a Giant. Add that on to Meech's evidence and the fact that The Machine is built like Pat Burrell, and I think it is safe to say we have a match.

Pat The Bat is The Machine. Oddly enough, I can't say I'm at all surprised.

Celebrate The Phillies Triumphant Return To 1st Place By Grabbing A Boob!

I'm fucking high on life right now. Wow. What a game.

(Hat tip to The Shibe Times)

Today In Funny Videos: Antonio Cromartie Remembers His Children And Andy Burton Likes Young Boys

Too unintentionally funny videos for the price of 1!

First up, it's Antonio Cromartie on last night's episode of Hard Knocks. By all accounts, Cromartie is a playa. He has 8 children, all of whom are 5 or younger and 4 of whom are currently 3-years old. Yeah. Like I said, Cromartie is a playa. But that's not the funny part. The comedy comes into play when Cromartie tries to remember the names and ages of all his kids on camera.



I guess when you have that many kids by as many women as he probably has them by and you have several cases against you, I guess kids names and ages can be a difficult thing to remember? I don't know.

Fact: There is a Swiss soccer team named BSC Young Boys. And while you can probably twist into a perverted quote just about anything a broadcaster mentions about "Young Boys," this quote by Sky Sports Reporter Andy Burton needs no twisting or taking out of context to be unintentionally gross and perverted.



Most sexual predators would probably argue that Young Boys are actually quite easy to beat.

(Hat tip to Keith's Sports Journal and Stupid Sideline Reporters)

Who Wants To See Cole Hamels's Ass?

I hope you answered yes.

(Hat tip to The Fightins and Marisa Magnatta on Twitter)

Golf Channel Reporter Reports What Several Women Already Know

As I am sure you all noticed, I have avoided touching the Tiger Woods story with a ten foot pole. For starters, I am not a golf fan and I find it incredibly boring and secondly, not only am I not a golf fan, but I do not care that Tiger Woods has a thing for women. Therefore, other than an occasional cheap joke during chats, the Tiger Woods story has not been a story for me to talk about. That being said, I absolutely cannot ignore this report on Tiger's injury that kept him out of The Player's Championship. Listen closely as this reporter tells the world what several women Elin Nordegren is insanely jealous of already know.



Steve Levy sympathizes.

Although, for all we know, Tiger Woods could not only have that bulging disk in his back, but he could also have a bulging dick. Just talk to any girl you see the next time you go for a walk in the park. She'll tell you the truth about what parts of Tiger are or are not bulging.

Gus Johnson Announces A Dog Humping A Stuffed Animal

The only thing better than Gus Johnson is Gus Johnson announcing a dog humping a stuffed animal. The link is broken now for some reason, but this, my friends, is the (now seemingly defunct) Gus Johnson soundboard put to good use.



"BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!"
"He's in shape!"
"OHHH!!!!! OHHHHH!!!!!!!"
"Here comes the pain!"

That video has just completed my life. Thank you With Leather. If you did not enjoy that awesomeness then I never ever want to talk to you again. Ever. I mean that.

The Most Frivolous Sports Lawsuit Ever

When I first heard of this story earlier this week, I did not want to touch it with a ten foot pole, due to, well, quite frankly, you never know who is reading or what mess you can get yourself in by posting something you feel is harmless fun. It all started when porn star Samantha Ryan posted this video for TheShiver.com, entitled Top 5 Reasons Being A KU Fan is Better Than Being A Kentucky Fan (note: this was before the loss to NIU). I am not going to name the reasons here, but you can click on the link and watch the brief PG-video involving a porn star for yourself. It really is nothing more than a standard trash talk from a KU fan (Samantha Ryan) to Kentucky fans. There are some decent zingers but nothing over the top or outlandish, although it should be mentioned that she proudly declared she was in the movie Girls Kissing Girls.

Anyway, out of good-natured fun, Kentucky Sports Radio (which, believe it or not, is nothing more than a sports blog) decided to post a reply/parody to Samantha Ryan.

What followed a few days later was a letter from Samantha Ryan's attornety threatening to sue KSR for defamation of character. Seriously. In the following blockquote from Kentucky Sports Radio is the letter from Samantha Ryan's attorney to KSR and KSR's reply to the letter.

Dear Mr. Jones,

We are attorneys for Samantha Ryan. We have been alerted to the following article (enclosed) currently posted on your website kentuckysportsradio.com

Top 5 reasons being a UK fan is better than being Samantha Ryan

(1.) We are content with the fact that most of our guys could be “one and done.” Samantha Ryan can’t stomach the thought

(2.) Kentucky can take six highly touted recruits, combine them with seven hungry players, and make the best team in the nation. Samantha Ryan can take 13 guys, at once, and make her father disappointed.

(3.) A great day to UK fans includes bourbon and horses. A great day to Samantha Ryan includes bourbon and… well… horses.

(4.) UK fans erupt after watching the Wildcats’ good penetration, going back door, and slamming it in. On second thought, Samantha does, too.

(5.) Earlier this season, Ben Roethlisberger came in Rupp Arena…Hmmm we’re not so different after all.

Are you sure you’re not a Kentucky fan, Samantha?

The above statements are false and defamatory. We have also been informed of similar defamatory statements and statements that portray our client in a false light made on the air. These statements constitute actionable defamation and false light. Further, there is an unauthorized photograph of our client on the site.

We hereby demand that you immediately remove the article from your website. We also demand that in its place, you post a correction stating that the statements made were untrue. We also demand that you correct on air the fact that the statements made about our client on your broadcast were untrue.

Please provide proof of correction to us immediately. If we do not hear from you, we will seek an injunction and damages.

Sincerely,

Michael

There goes my peaceful Sunday afternoon. When I first read the email, I must admit that I assumed it had to be a prank. Because the KSR legal staff (right now me…but feel free to apply) has been working extra hours recently dealing with whiny complaints from entities near and far, my assumption was that one of my friends had tried to think of the most ridiculous lawsuit possible and then sent the letter. “Hey I got it…what would be the most bizarre thing we could do Hubby? I got it, lets act like we are lawyers and say that KSR defamed a porn star…Matt will love it.” But then I inspected the email, looked online, and sure enough….Michael and the letter were real.

Now one could quickly ask two question. First, who in their right mind would think that Drew’s article was serious? Samantha Ryan had written an article entitled “Top 5 Reasons Being a KU Fan is Better Than Being a Kentucky Fan.” , and Drew responded with what is so obviously a PARODY that no one in their right mind could think it was true. Look at that list again…really Michael? You guys think THAT was supposed to be fact based? And then step 2, does anyone really believe that even if that list were true and not a parody, that it would be possible to defame her with it? One quick internet search provided by the Turkey Hunter showcased a slew of “movies” Ryan had been in with titles that were more risque than anything ever even fathomed to be put on KSR. And Drew’s blog post ruined her reputation? Child please!

So I decided, it was time to call Michael and try to work this out. What followed was a 30 minute phone conversation so surreal that I am not even sure it really took place. Michael went one by one through Drew’s list of five and said why each of them were (a) not true and (b) needed to be removed. Good taste prevents me from recounting that conversation in detail, but lets just say that the Turkey Hunter was in the background and I am not sure I have ever seen him laughing harder at anything. At one point Michael even said, “you also suggest she drinks bourbon…she does not drink bourbon!” I responded, “you are telling me that a famous porn star believes she was defamed because we said she drinks bourbon???? You cannot be serious!” Michael said he indeed was and that he was taking this matter very seriously. I suggested to him that it couldnt be all that seriously since he was alleging we said things “on the air”, when we dont even have a show in which to say something on the air and he then responded, “well it may have been on Twitter or something like that.” Yeah maybe.

So I then asked Michael what he wanted. He demanded a retraction and the post be removed. I then went into full “lawdog” mode and said this: “Look, the post is off the front page now, and no one will ever see it again. BUT if you want it removed, I will. However when I do it, I will post a NEW post about this story and it will only make things worse by bringing it up again. Your client really can’t want that, can she.” I was assured that yes, that was what Samantha wanted. I then asked well, what if I dont do it. He said that he would then look to all legal remedies, including a potential case against KSR and Drew Franklin individually. I then lost is for a second and said this:

“This is beyond ridiculous and seriously must be a dream. You mean to tell me that you are going to sue us for a silly blog post that is clearly in jest when your client is a PORN STAR! And sue us for what? What could possibly be her damages? She does pornography for a living and you think somehow we have somehow sullied her reputation? Are you serious? And sue Drew individually? Do you understand that Drew does not currently have a job and wears velcro shoes? What exactly are you suing him for, his hair gel?”

Michael however would not budge and demanded a correction. Even though we did nothing wrong and Drew (god love him) did not defame anyone, I agreed to give one. But as I promised him, the retraction would be done KSR-style. So here we go. If anyone out there believed that Drew was serious and that Samantha Ryan did not like “one and dones”, knows Ben Roethlisberger, drinks bourbon or did any of the other things Drew jokingly suggested, then let me say, KSR was parodying the situation and was not saying it has any knowledge of any of it being truthful. Further, if any of you thought that was true, seriously get out of the house and try to understand what is parody and what is not. To whatever extent anyone could have even fathomed that Drew was doing anything but writing his normal, insulting nonsense, KSR apologizes. We know nothing about Samantha Ryan beyond her movie career titles and wish her nothing but the best. KSR would never sully the reputation of anyone intentionally and certainly not someone like Samantha. Drew, along with the fans of Northern Iowa, would like us all to move past this.

So let me get this straight, a porn star is suing a website because the website made porn star jokes after she put herself out there to be made fun of by having filmed such a video? I see. In that case, Andy Reid should sue me for everything because in the mind of this delusional attorney, he would win. Posting light-hearted jokes about someone in a parody of something that someone posted first is not defamation of character. Somebody should give these fellows a lesson in free speech real darn fast because frankly, this is beyond frivolous and just reading about this whole situation makes me laugh my ass off. I mean really? Threatening to sue someone over the above quoted blog post. Are we sure this lawyer did not get his degree at Whatsamatter U?. Oh, shit. I just made a sarcastic joke about someone whom I don't know. I guess I receive a letter in the mail threatening a lawsuit in a few days.

The Best Picture In The History Of The Super Bowl

Seriously. It does not get any better than a pic of 2 guys bumping dong with a guy named Gay in the background. It just doesn't. And for the second year in a row, porn has invaded the Super Bowl (at least for the folks in Arizona). Porn at the Super Bowl FTW!

(Hat to tip to Meech on Twitter who hat-tipped UniWatch on Twitter)

Porn Stars Like Dan Carcillo

We all remember Katie Michaels, don't we? She was the porn star who just a few days ago put up an ad on Craigslist a few days ago. For $500, you could sit with her in lower level seats to see the Rangers take on the Coyotes at Jobbing.com Arena.

Why a Coyotes game, you ask? Well she's a big Coyotes fan! However her heart is slightly elsewhere now as one of her favorite players is no longer a Coyote? Yes, I mean to say that someone actually was a huge fan of someone who was once with the Coyotes. Yes, that someone is now a Flyer. Yes, it's none other than Dan Carcillo!

In an interview with The Big Lead (damn I'm jealous!), Katie disclosed this little nugget of information.

The Coyotes are my hometown team so its all I know as far as hockey. And now I like the Flyers because Danny Carcillo went there.

It must be the 'stache. And frankly, Carbomb's 'stache is one of the finest in the business.

But why shouldn't be surprised that Katie is a Carbomb fan? Well overlooked by the fact that a porn star was taking a random stranger to a hockey game for $500 was this little sentence in her Craigslist ad, "Yes it stinks that Carcillo got traded but look at how good we are doing without Gretzky behind the bench!"

She's all yours Carbomb! Go get her, tiger!

Henrik Zetterberg And Pavel Datsyuk Have Tremendous What, Andy Brickley?

It may not be Sarge discussing jerking off balls or Wheels rocking around the cock tonight, but on Tuesday night, Andy Brickley gave the world an interesting humdinger on Versus that revealed a little too much information about Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk.



Now that's the kind of insight that you don't get everyday! The Phoenix Coyotes better have been on their toes that game, for otherwise Zetterberk and Datsyuk would have unleashed beasts on each other the likes of which have never been seen before in an NHL rink. Good times at Versus......goooooooooooood times!

When Innocent Child Drawings Go Horribly Wrong

We've all seen local news programs where they will showcase some elementary school child drawing as a bump to commercial or a transition to a different segment or something. And most of them they are just innocent photos that are of little note other than "damn, I wish I was as good of an artist as that 6-year old". Okay, maybe that's just me. But regardless, the local CBS morning show in Richmond, Virginia This Morning either does not have a filter or they refuse to believe that young children know things that they really should not know at their age. As evidenced by this.



First of all, what the hell? And secondly, WHAT THE HELL???

I can't even understand if not porn what that might be. Is that a baseball bat with a ball in the air and he's showing the motion? Whatever it is, how this one got through the Virginia This Morning people and how no one saw that this could be interpreted in a way that is a tribute to Chirs Cooley and Visanthe Shiancoe is beyond me.

And what kind of message is this picture supposed to be sending anyways? Hey kids, be Stone's friend! He'll come for you!

Forget 2007, This Was The Best Fiesta Bowl Ever

Congrats to the Boise State Broncos for winning the 2010 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl in a very thrilling fashion. A fake punt in that situation took guts (especially that call of a the punter throwing a pass). If it fails and TCU goes on to win, Chris Peterson is no doubt the biggest idiot in Idaho, but because it succeeded, Chris Peterson is once again considered a genius as he should be, because even with Boise's Fiesta Bowl reputation, TCU never saw that play coming.



That fake punt led to the game-winning touchdown later on that drive.

But enough of the game and on to what made this the best Fiesta Bowl ever. Though I'm not sure if that is something you should tell this Boise State cowgirl soon to be internet star.



And is it just me, or is a guy named Johnson majoring in cummunication the best person ever?

Best. Typo. Ever.

Once again, Boise State has won the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. Can you believe it?

Tommy Kelly Becomes The Latest Player To Show His Skin To An Unwilling Public

There was a bunch of controversy during the Raiders-Broncos game when one (presumably Raider) fan decided to literally scorch the retina of Brandon Marshall with a laser pointer. The game was halted as they tried to find the douche bag responsible but to no avail. But then, the play immediately following that bizarre incident, something even stranger happened. Immediately following a nice play by Tommy Kelly to force Knowshon Moreno into losing a yard, the world got a glimpse of Tommy Kelly that might be figuratively, if not literally, scorched into their retinas forever. What happened, you ask? Well, let's just say that Tommy is trying to challenge Visanthe Shiancoe to become the 2nd NFL football player this decade to be offered a spot in a porn flick.



GuJo: "Oh!"
Steve Tasker: "Whoops."
GuJo: "Whoa."

As disturbing as those images are, the reactions by GuJo and Tasker were beyond priceless. Then again, unlike Al and Cris who said nothing upon seeing the bottom of Devin Hester, there actually was a reaction here, so maybe that's what made it funny, but regardless, this is hilarious once you get past the fact that we just saw way too much skin of a huge man. Good times today up in Denver........goooooooooood times.

A Preliminary Legal Hearing, The World Series, Susan Finkelstein, And Double Penetration

I'm pretty sure this may top the decade as one of the most absurd stories. We all remember Susan Finkelstein, right? You know, the Phillies fan that wanted World Series tickets who instead of finding good deals on StubHub went to CraigsList and offered sex in exchange for World Series tickets? Yeah, that Susan Finkelstein.

Well, at the case preliminary hearing yesterday, quite a bit of stuff came out regarding the case. From the Philly Inquirer

Susan Finkelstein sat down with undercover Officer Michael Brady at a Bucks County bar and allegedly gave him a bold confession for a first meeting, according to his testimony yesterday at her preliminary hearing.

"I admit it. I'm a prostitute. I love sex. I'm a whore," the Bensalem police officer testified that Finkelstein had told him as he posed as "Bob" at Manny Brown's in Bensalem.

She talked about "how much she loved anal sex," he said, alleging later that she pulled up her denim skirt to expose her genital area and asked, "You wanna touch it?"

The Southwest Philadelphia woman believed Brady had three tickets to a Phillies-Yankees World Series game and, Bensalem police say, was willing to exchange sex for at least one.

In reality, it was a sting operation by Bensalem cops, who had found the "desperate blonde," as Finkelstein reportedly called herself, while trolling Craigslist for illegal activities.

Finkelstein, 43, was also told in an e-mail written by Sgt. Robert Bugsch that "Bob" had a brother, Bugsch said on the stand. That apparently upped the possibilities for Finkelstein.

For two tickets, she promised more, Brady testified. "I'll have sex with both of you. I'll let you DP me."

Magisterial District Judge Joe Falcone and Finkelstein's lawyer, William J. Brennan, asked Brady to clarify what the term "DP" meant and the officer answered, "Double penetration."

The real sad part of all of this? Finkelstein actually got into games 2 and 3 of the World Series. Sadly, though, she lost her job and is now labeled the city whore, so for Ms. Finkelstein, one has to wonder if the sex ad really was worth all of her troubles now.

Then again, maybe Freud was right and women are nothing but a bunch of pleasure seeking whores. Okay, so he did not use those words, but you Freudians out there know what I am talking about.

JA Happ Has The Smartest Privates In All Of Baseball

Before you completely dismiss this seemingly meaningless post look very carefully at this comment from The Fightins dated November 18, 2009 at 10:02 am

Sure enough, 3 weeks later, Ross Gload has signed a deal with the Phillies. Now if only my privates were as smart as Jay's....

Cole Hamels attends the Modern Warfare 2 global debut (The Fightins)
Awwww yeah, droppin' Gloads over the NL East (The Fightins)