THIS IS WHY I LOVE GROUP PLAY!!! AGAINST ALL ODDS, THE U.S. HAS DONE IT!

An absolutely incredible series of events occured today in South Africa. Brazil beat Italy 3-0 with a late 1st half explosion. The United States beat Egypt 3-0. That meant that the U.S.'s goal differential was 1 better than Egypt and the U.S. was tied with Italy for goal differential. Afterwards, the next tie-breaker is total goals scored in the tournament. The U.S. scored 4 goals in the Confederations Cup. Italy only got 3. That's right! The United States has advanced to the semifinals and they will play Spain on Wednesday! No typo exists in that statement! And for your viewing pleasure, here is all that transpired in the past 2 hours.

First, it was Davies giving the U.S. a 1-0 lead.



What followed a few minutes later was nothing short of "capital punishment" in the capital city of Pretoria, as Adrian Healey called it. Get ready for an end-of-1st-half Brazilian style blitzkreig.







Gotta love the hilarity of some own goals! But that not withstanding, at halftime of both games, the score was 3-0 Brazil and 1-0 U.S. If the U.S. got 2 more (and assuming Italy and Egypt did not score), the U.S. would surpass Egypt and tie Italy in goal differential. The tie breaker would be goals scored, and if the U.S. got the 2, they (and Italy did not score again and Egypt did not score as to mess up the goal differential), would have one more goal scored than Italy and that would be enough to advance. Here's what happened.

MICHAEL BRADLEY!



And then....the unthinkable.....

CLINT DEMPSEY!



And that would be all of the goals scored today! The United States has pulled off one of the most miraculous end of group stage performances I have ever seen in my life. The United States of America is in the semifinals! Let me say that again, THE UNITES STATES OF AMERICA IS IN THE SEMIFINALS!

Truly, truly remarkable.

And if only that BBC guy who did the U.S.-Egypt game on BBC was doing the game for ESPN.....he was giving me goosebumps as I was watching the videos on YouTube.

U.S. Vs. Egypt And Italy Vs. Brazil Live Blog

Egypt Upsets Italy In The Confederations Cup As Italy Becomes The Butt Of All Jokes

The United States may have crapped the bed in their game, but the world is thankful that Gennaro Gattuso did not crap his pants. What a day of soccer it was. First of all, the U.S,. got ass-raped, and then the shocker of the tournament, Egypt upset World Champion Italy! No typo exists in that statement, Egypt beat Italy 1-0! First off is the video of the Mohamed Homos goal (which by the way has one of the most, overtop goal calls I've ever heard in my life) followed by the video of Gattuso's wardrobe malfunction.



Praise Allah! Or at least that's what I think that guy was saying. Regardless, that's funny! And if I had to listen to that voice for 90 minutes, I'm pretty sure I would have to jump off a pyramid. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! More Gattuso!



Just to finish the Tommy Smyth quote: "He does not snarl as much as he used to. He's not quite the snarling dog. Like his mom said, always make sure your underwear is clean!"

So random the way he jumped from snarling to Gattuso's mom, but regardless, nonstop hilarity! And I think the world (myself included) is thankful that Gattuso was not naked underneath and/or wearing a thong. For if he was, I think we would have quite the international incident on our hands.

Regardless, though, congrats to Egypt on their big upset win and the U.S. is still alive and can make it to the semifinals. That is, if they beat Egypt by 3 or more and Brazil beats Italy by 4 or more. Or there can be some odd scenario where Italy loses by 3, depending on how much everyone else scores.

Egypt Vs. Italy Live Blog