Have A Safe And Wonderful Fourth Of July Halladay!

Have a safe and wonderful Fourth of July, but most of all, don't be like TBS. Don't do anything stupid.

(Hat tip to The Fightins for the photo)

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Worst Holiday Ever Invented.

While you are all with your Significant Other and/or Temporary Special Someone saying the mushiest and corniest things that on any other day of the year would not only get you not laid but slapped right across the face, I'll be at the toilet vomiting in repulsion.

I hope that video made you do the same.

So This Is Christmas

Modern times has not made this time of year the easiest time of year because let's face it, if I come on here and just say "Merry Christmas", I'm a religiously insensitive douche bag, but if I just say "Happy Holidays", then I am a politically correct douche bag. Either way, some will perceive me as a douche bag.

That being said, even though I am for all intents and purposes atheist/agnostic, every December 25, my family, mostly Catholic, get together and exchange gifts and feast on lasagna made by my grandmother. It's not really much of a religious gathering other than some of my family saying grace before the meal. As an unknowing kid, they always made me say it, so now, whenever they turn to me to reprise my role, I try to pass it off that I forget or that one of my younger cousins who are Catholic should do it. This year if put in the situation I should might try my great Aunt, also Catholic. Besides, all of the above would get a greater thrill out of it then I would if I was religious.

For some slightly different music, try Shinedown's take on "Happy X-Mas (War is Over)" and Taylor Swift's version of the popular Wham Christmas tune, "Last Christmas". You're not gonna find too many original Christmas songs these days, so you take what you can get and these are certainly good ones.

So in order to cover all of my bases possible,

Merry Christmas
A belated Happy Hanukkah
Happy Kwanza
Happy Boxing Day
Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah (the original mash-up of the big 3)
Happy Chrismahanuboxingdaykwanzakah (sadly the original forgot everyone's favorite non-American Bank Holiday)

What I'm trying to say is, all the best to everyone and your families!

War is over if you want it.

Happy Thanksgiving All!

I guess I would be remiss if I did not put up a happy Thanksgiving post of some sort. I hope everyone has a wonderful time with their families and gobble down on turkey or whatever your family tradition is on Thanksgiving. Thanks to my page-a-day calendar, here are certain tips that you should follow for an optimal Thanksgiving.

• "Consider attaching the fork to your wrist, like a child with mittens. There is a lot of food, and it's always good to have a utensil handy. If traveling through a metal detector, make sure it's a plastic fork."

• "When a fight over old issues erupts, pull out the video camera and record it. When family members ask what you're doing, say that you want to record it so that next year instead of having the fight, you can all just watch it."

• "If you're setting up holiday decorations, make sure you don't accidentally stick your tongue in a lightbulb socket."

• "Ettiquette experts say it's not cool to bring your laptop to the dinner table, even if you want to share Thanksgiving with your Facebook and My Space friends." (Editor's note: And in our case, Twitter followers)

• "If you're coming home from college and your parents are control freaks, remember that they really don't have any control over you most of the year. Control yourself and give them a few days to pretend."

• "If you have to lie down in bed to keep eating because sitting at the table takes too much energy, you should stop eating."

• "When sharing what you're thankful about, don't say, 'I'm thankful I only have to be home for three days. I forget how much this place sucked. Please pass the cranberry sauce. Mmmm, delish!'"

Happy Thanksgiving to all and may the Lions and Packers not put me (and America) to sleep, may the Raiders beat the Cowboys, and may the Broncos miraculously bounce back and beat the Giants.

Happy Independence Day!

"The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more." - John Adams in a letter to his wife Abigail on July 3, 1776.

The day where America legally declared themselves an independent entity was July 2, 1776 with the Resolution of Independence. However, July 4 was the day that the Declaration of Independence was approved by Congress, which in case you have not read it and awhile and forget, is just a statement saying "F.U. King George III Penguin" and the reasons for independence.

Have a great one, guys, and for those that don't get the King Penguin joke, may I suggest watching on YouTube the episode of Blackadder The Third entitled Duel And Duality.

The Jets WIll Not Tolerate Their Anti-Semetic Schedule

I'm not sure if I have ever seen or heard anything like this before. The New York Jets are not exactly happy with their schedule this year. Why, you ask? Because of it's difficulty? No. Because they know they are the worst team in their division? No. It's because the NFL has scheduled them for 2 home games on 2 consecutive Jewish holidays! Seriously. Via the AP.

The New York Jets, upset about being scheduled for home games on consecutive Sundays in direct conflict with Jewish holidays, sent NFL commissioner Roger Goodell a letter Thursday asking that one of the game times be changed.

The Jets' home opener is Week 2 against New England at 1 p.m. on Sept. 20, which falls during Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. New York then plays Tennessee at 4:15 p.m. the following Sunday, with Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, beginning at sundown.

In the letter to Goodell, owner Woody Johnson suggested the game against the Titans be changed to a 1 p.m. start to give Jewish fans time to arrive home before sundown.

"I am extremely disappointed with the league's decision to schedule us to play at home on consecutive Sundays that are in direct conflict with the Jewish High Holy Days," Johnson wrote. "There has long been an understanding that neither the Jets nor the Giants fans should have to bear completely the brunt of this issue since we are in the largest Jewish market in the country."

So an exception should be made to the New York Jets because New York has the largest Jewish community? Um, sorry, not buying it. And what about all the other cities in the U.S. with large Jewish communities, because they are not the largest they should not have home games on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? And all those times that the NFL scheduled games on Christmas, did all of the Catholics cry heresy and threaten to ex-communicate every Catholic who went to those games instead of spending time with their families? And you can't forget about all of the Muslims in the United States. Should special exceptions be made to the cities in the U.S. with a large Muslim population during the month of Ramadan? (and yes, Ramadan, for those who don't know, does fall in the middle of the NFL season).

And yes, I know we've gone past that stage in the church (or so we think so), but the point is still there that why on earth should a special exception be made for the Jets when it does not happen for other teams and other religions? If you're that upset about the schedule, don't go to the game! But somehow, I think in the end, a Jets football game will override a religious ceremony for the day.....assuming that the Jets don't enter that weak without a win, which is a possibility given this team this year. Then people may stay home for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah.

And don't get mad religious fanatics out there who are reading this. I hate all religious institutions equally, as you can probably tell from reading this. ;-)

Update: It appears that the Jets got their wish. The Yom Kippur game has been moved from 4:15 to 1:00.