Bleacher Report Must Die

There are very few things in the sports blogging world worse than Bleacher Report. It is the epitome of everything real sports blogging is not yet it satisfies the stereotype that every blog critic has about blogs. What Bleacher Report attempts to put out there is worser than the worst sports writing imaginable. Hell, Jay Mariotti is a better sports writer than the schmucks who write pieces on Bleacher Report. Yeah, I went there.

But while I will freely insert humor and caustic sarcasm into this post, there is nothing funny about this. The impact of Bleacher Report is not a joke, for as I'll explain later, it extends far worse than a crappy sports blogging idea that gets a lot of hits.

A complete FJM style take down after the jump.



Here is the most recent Philadelphia related column to go up on Bleacher Report. The author of this post is not very bright to say the least, as you will soon find out. Instead of quoting the whole article and leaving remarks at the end, I will be FJMing this shit. It is the only fair way to take it down.

Quick, name me one other team in the majors right now who has sustained more injuries than the Phillies and ACTUALLY continued to play extremely well; all things considered.

I’ll give ya a minute.

Yeah, I couldn’t think of any either, and that’s because there really isn’t any. Sure, there are a couple of teams who have dealt with a season long injury list (Boston anyone) but nobody has duplicated what the Phightin Phils have in the 2010 season.

Actually, the Red Sox have for all intents and purposes duplicated what the "Phightin Phils" (technically it's Fightin' Phils) have gone through. Phillies players based on the DL at some point or another this year: Jimmy Rollins, Placido Polanco, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino, Carlos Ruiz, JA Happ, and Jamie Moyer. Red Sox players placed on the DL at some point or another this year: Kevin Youkilis, Mike Lowell, Jacoby Ellsbury, Dustin Pedroia, Jason Varitek, Victor Martinez, Mike Cameron, Josh Beckett, Daisuke Matsuzaka, and Clay Buchholz. Phillies record after August 18: 68-51. Red sox record after August 18: 69-52. The only difference is the Red Sox are in a division consisting of baseball's 2 best teams this year, the New York Yankees and the Tampa Bay Rays. The number of games a team is out of 1st place in a division should NEVER be used when comparing 2 teams like this. Someone needs to tell Bleacher Report that perception is not reality. Reality is reality and the reality is the Phillies and the Red Sox have fared amazingly well after being ravaged by injuries throughout the season. The Red Sox have duplicated the Phillies' success this year. They just won't see results because they are stuck in a division with 2 of the best.

I now return to BR's idiotic analysis of the "5 Things The Phillies Must Do To Make It To The Fall Classic"

This is a team that has lost Placido Polanco (twice), J-Roll (twice), Chase Utley who recently returned, Shane Victorino, Carlos Ruiz and newest member of the DL Ryan Howard.

But in their place have come players who, for the most part, have filled in more than admirably when they were needed most.

Players such as Wilson Valdez, Ross Gload, Brian Snyder, Domonic Brown, and Ben Francisco have all filled in when asked and have done so with effective results on defense and on offense.

Schneider. Schneider. Schneider! SCHNEIDER! The Phillies back-up catcher is Brian Schneider. His name is Schneider. Not Snyder. Schneider. Look, I ain't perfect when it comes to typing and I admittedly have many mistakes in my writing, but to blatantly get a name wrong like that? BRIAN SCHNEIDER!

And wait? Wilson Valdez has filled in admirably? He of the 15 GIDPs in 2010 that is good enough to be up there for tops in the NL despite having only 256 ABs? Did the Phillies acquire a different Wilson Valdez of which I am unfamiliar with?

But time really does heal all wounds, and everyone except Howard has found their way back onto the playing field at just the right time.

Albeit, they are still chasing Bobby Cox and those pesky Braves! Don’t you just hate going away parties?

Ohinoez they are so awful amirite?

Seriously, does this guy think he is writing for 5-year olds?

If the Phillies are going back to the postseason they are going to do it either by winning the division, or via the Wild Card, but there are a few things that they must do in order to keep the torrent pace that lifted them from 7 games out of first to nearly 2 games out of first.

Let’s take a look.

In other words, the Phillies need to make changes in order to stay the same! Not make changes to get better or improve the team, but changes to ensure the Phillies stay at the same pace they are at now.

5. Will Someone PLease [sic] Swing The Bat When Hamels Pitches?

Unless there is a little prankster running around the streets of Brotherly Love, replacing the wooden bats the Phils use with wiffle ball bats, there is little excuse for the lack of run support when Hamels is on the mound.

And you all thought that Hamels not getting run support was this terrible thing called a coincidence. It's a damned conspiracy by pranksters to destroy Cole Hamels by ensuring the offense gets no run support by changing the bats! The folks who write for Bleacher Report are geniuses!

The guy is 1-2 with a 1.81 ERA in his last SEVEN starts. That simply won’t do.

The Phillies are already dealing with two gaping holes in their lineup with Blanton and Kendrick, so getting Hamels the W is of the utmost importance.

A pitcher can nothing more than pitch well, and if his offense is struggling, then it doesn’t matter what the guy on the mound does.

A struggling offense does not always get shut out. It damn well matters what a pitcher does regardless of the offense because if a pitcher throws a shutout with a struggling offense only scoring 1 run, that team still wins the game. Whether the offense is nuclear fission hot or absolute zero cold, it still matters "what the guy on the mound does."

No other pitcher in Philly has experienced this as much as Hamels has.

Roy Halladay begs to disagree.

They are chasing the Braves, with the Giants breathing down their neck; two situations that could easily be defused with run support for Hamels, so please, get the poor kid some runs already!

Cole Hamels is involved in only 20% of the Phillies' games, barring injury. Bleacher Report is (surprisingly) right about Hamels being a hard luck pitcher, but while giving Hamels more and better run support will help matters, it is by no means a remedy to cure all ills, as BR suggests it would be.

We have only gotten through reason 1 of 5 and already I want to strangle this site for the way they phrase things as if the audience is a bunch of 5-year olds. Moving on to #4....

4. Keep Rollins Rollin

One of schizophrenic-ish reasons for me deciding to write this piece was the sudden spark out of Jimmy Rollins.

You know, I do like my sentences in English, not Jibberish.

Now I am not immediately jumping on a hot train, but if Rollins can stay hot before September, the Phillies will have a real good thing going here, and both the Braves and Giants will have plenty to worry about.

J-Roll is known as Mr. September, and plays better in that month historically than any other month in the baseball season; hitting about 20 points higher in average. But it usually doesn’t start until AFTER September begins.

Jimmy Rollins above average September play does not start until after September begins? Brilliant! If only I could have thought of that!

If Jimmy Rollins really wants to put himself on a long hot streak, he can start by showing patience at the plate, a rarity for J-Roll.

And yes, you read that quote right. The writer(s) just said, "hot train."

This little flair up he has going is a nice thing to see considering September is just around the corner, and if he can stay hot, the Phils will have a chance for the division.

So it is basically a given that Jimmy Rollins is going to have a great September? Things vary by year. Just because Rollins has had nice Septembers in the past does not guarantee that he will have a nice September this year. And it is also good to see that the possibility that J-Roll could be injured yet again this year has completely escaped the minds of Bleacher Report. That could derail his September Of Awesomeness a bit if it happened.

3. Send Blanton To The Repair Shop Or Send HIm Down To Triple-A

There are a lot of Phillies fans I talk to who seem to be comfortable with Joe Blanton’s exceptional penchant for self destruction in the first inning, justifying it by saying things like: “Ah, it’s Blanton, whattya gonna do, he usually settles in around the fourth.”

Yeah, that’s all fine and good in the regular season—when the postseason isn’t right around the corner—but that kinda flighty pitching won’t cut it when October comes traipsing along.

The Cardinals, Reds, Giants, Braves, and Padres are all very good hitting teams, and a guy who has an ERA of 8.00+ in the first inning should not be pitching against teams of this caliber in the postseason unless he cleans things up.

So get Joey B some towels, and a V-8, and get him on the winning track or let someone else have a crack at it.

Joe Blanton has struggled mightly not just in the 1st inning this year, but in all innings after the 5th. Just one problem with this: The post 5th inning problems are not all Joe's fault. His poor showings in those innings are greatly inflated by Charlie Manuel's refusal to pull him when it is most advantageous for the team. Instead he leaves Blanton to finish the implosion. Joe can't be faulted for a mistake he should never have been there to make in the 1st place.

But let's get on to the bigger problem of sending Joe Blanton to AAA. Who on earth replaces him? I can't see Andrew Carpenter handling a 4th/5th starting role any better than Joe Blanton. Vance Worley is not major league ready yet. And excluding waiver-wire deals, it is now past the trade deadline. But even if you want to date things back 3 weeks. Excluding the big names of Haren and Oswalt, who on earth was on the market that could be a more reliable 4th/5th starter? Ted Lilly? Blanton is by no means great or anywhere close to the level of Halladay/Hamels/Oswalt, but given the available alternatives that are/were available, I will take him.

Ge him a "V-8." Is this supposed to be some poor attempt at humor?

2. Werth Every Penny?

Stop all the speculation surrounding Jayson Werth about him getting traded. The last thing anyone needs is to hear are rumors like that when their team is so close to returning to the postseason.

Has anyone told Bleacher Report that it is now August 19, 2010? A full 19 days after the trade deadline? And if BR is thinking that Werth would be going in a waiver-wire deal, then I don't know what to say other than the fact that there has not been a meager whisper of a Jayson Werth trade rumor since Shane Victorino got sent to the DL towards the end of July. And the fact that this writer suggests that this could mess with a team returning to a post-season suggests an utter ignorance of what he/she is talking about.

But let's continue....

Werth struggled at times this year grant it, and there were talks about him possibly getting traded if the Phillies were completely out of it, but the guy is worth every damn penny he gets paid, and needs to be allowed to show it.

This is best illustrated in chart form.

Jayson Werth's salary
2008: $1,700,000
2009: $2,500,000
2010: $7,500,000

Jayson Werth's WAR (Wins Above Replacement level player, for those unfamiliar with the metric)
2008: 5.0
2009: 4.8
2010: 3.6

Jayson Werth is a guy that is going to try to demand for more than $7.5M on the market. A player whose value has been decreasing over the past 3 years is not "Werth every penny."

As of late, Werth has been swinging well, fielding well, cracking doubles, stealing bases, and in the final eight weeks of the season it is these types of attributes that will once again be the driving force behind one last regular season push by the Phillies.

So basically Jayson Werth playing appropriate baseball will be the driving force a late-season push by the Phillies. That, along with Hamels getting run support, Joe Blanton getting sent down to AAA, and Jimmy Rollins getting hot are all the lone key to a late September push.

We're still not done, folks!

Ryan Howard is an absolute must for this team, and I don’t need to tell any Philly fan that. But his minor set back from his ankle injury was enough to cause a lifted eyebrow as to the extent of his injury.

Howard appears to be fine—just so you all know—and he is slated to begin a rehab assignment on Friday of this week, with a possible return on Monday.

Move over, Todd Zolecki! Bleacher Report is now bringing you the latest in Phillies news and notes!

And really? Ryan Howard is an absolute must for this team? Getting back a 1B the caliber of Ryan Howard is a must? You don't need me to tell you that BR is stating the obvious here!

Howard is hitting .292/.356/.528 with 23 HR and 81 RBI and is arguably swinging the bat better than he ever has before; he’s even on pace to have the lowest SO count of his career as a full season starter.

Generally when you spend a good 3 weeks on the DL, your SO total is lower than it is in other years where injuries were not present. Same with HRs, RBIs, and every other meaningless counting stat. That is why they are counting stats. And outside of HRs which do have some meaning to them, they are meaningless, especially when used in this context.

Add all of this up and what do ya have?

A hot J-Roll in the final month plus a solidified pitching staff that is supported by scores, a dash of healthy starters, and competent bench players, alongside a power hitting Ryan Howard that is actually hitting better than ever when healthy. is what I’d like to call a recipe for success.

A very similar recipe was used when the Phils last won the World Series ya know! Think about that for a second.

These five things are crucial to the Phillies getting to the postseason, among many other examples, but that's where you—the Philadelphia faithful come in, right?

OK Philly fans, I know you guys are out there so let's hear from ya. These are just my five, what about you guys, what do you think the Phillies have to do in order to return to the postseason, I wanna hear from yas.

The Phillies did not have the major injuries last year that they had this year. Outside of the mid-June struggle against the AL, the Phillies did not slump last year the way they did this year. In terms of trends and patterns between years, 2008 and 2009 were similar. 2010 is a completely different animal with different patterns and trends. The Phillies did well in April this year. The Phillies performed respectable against the AL this year. The Phillies had a big mid-season slump against the NL this year. It's been different. The more I think about it, the more I realize the past 2 seasons are completely dissimilar.

Well, if you clicked on my link back, BR, you are hearing from mes. See what I did there? I tried to make a funny about the folksiness of the article by adding an -s.....ah, never mind.

The whole reason for this is not to try to humiliate the writer with a dream using an accessible site designed to get people like him/her into sports writing, but to state the utter ridiculousness that this article, along with every other Philadelphia related article published by Bleacher Report is published on Philly.com, the website for both the Philadelphia Inquirer AND the Philadelphia Daily News. Philadelphia's most read sports web site now has easy access to articles that are flat out garbage. Sure the kids writing these mean well, but they are not trained writers. They are amateurs writing for a site that allows them to write freely about things all the while getting the large amount of hits that inexplicably comes with being part of Bleacher Report. Why is amateur writing getting put on Philadelphia's most read news website? Why? Why? Why? Why is amateur writing by untrained and unpaid writers being linked by a professional web site whose content is written by trained writers? Seriously, check it out. Bleacher Report columns are directly under a very insightful article by David Murphy on how the Phillies can set up their pitching rotation the rest of the season to ensure that 1 of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt pitch in all of the remaining 6 games against the Braves.

Let the morons at Bleacher Report have their site. I don't care about that, it is a site I can easily avoid. But it becomes relevant when Philly.com inks a relationship with Bleacher Report. Then it becomes a problem because it is not just an individual site anymore. Now even though these people may mean well but are not very good right now are all of a sudden held on a much higher pedestal. It is read not just by people who suck up to Bleacher Report or older sports fans thinking that Bleacher Report is what sports blogging is all about, but by well meaning individuals looking for news and commentary on Philadelphia sports. People associate this content with Philly.com. It becomes an online portion of the Philadelphia Inquirer and the Philadelphia Daily News. It becomes treated as such. It gets read as such. It gets taken seriously as such.

And that is where the line is drawn. That is why Bleacher Report must die.