The High School Years: Part 5 - Persistence

Missed a part? Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Another month went by and things were generally par for the course with Anna, Alura, and me. Everyday after school we would send emails about different subjects and what not and we would have all sorts of random conversations about nothing in particular, and let me tell you what, it was a good time. As much as they may not have been excited about the whole thing, I think they will tell you that the random email conversations we had were fun.

However, once things turned to the subject of my “love” for Alura, that’s when things turned sour. Basically, if our “relationship” was brought up only bad things followed.

In fact, at one point during this time, I had picked randomly chosen a U.S. patent for a math project based on the letters in Alura’s name. As you can imagine, that did not go over real well with them. To put it best, I think they were slightly disturbed. And looking back on it, I guess I could say the same thing if someone chose a project based on the numbers in my name and then bragged about how they got a 59 out of 60 on it and did so well on it.

I’d be disturbed. They were disturbed.

But that’s not really the most awkward moment during this time period. That would come when someone not named Anna whispered to Alura about the junior boy who asked her out.

Now I was under the impression that this little thing was a secret. Just like I had kept Anna’s crush on Mark a secret, I was hoping that the favor would be reversed. Now I did not know this girl named Melissa that asked Alura about me, thus I had obviously not told her. Besides I wanted this a secret. Why would I tell someone? And better yet, how was it possible for me to tell someone I did not know?

Of course it would not have been Alura because Melissa asked her about me without prompt and besides, why would she then ask as genuinely surprised about it as she did?

That left one person, and if you do not know who it is, then may I suggest you read Parts 1-4 of this.

Anna.

How could she have just randomly betrayed my secret when I had gone as far as to not tell anyone about her liking Mark. Even if she was over him by this point, I still did not tell.

Natrually, I felt betrayed. Anna was the one person that I could confide all of this in because I could not tell my parents as they would just bombard me with 50 million questions per day about what was going on, and that’s not what I wanted. It was bad enough when I told them about the prom, the last thing was for them to know what was really going on. No one else that I knew knew Alura so they could not have been of much help nor did they really know what was going on, thus the only person I had was Anna. And when that betrayal hits you, it hurts.

I refrained from going on an angry rant at Anna, as I knew that I needed her. Even if she did betray me, at least she still had a set of ears that was willing to listen to my problems.

The emails then transitioned into how I was not cute. Yeah, even looking back at them I still can’t figure out how that happened, but it did.

“What is it about me that is not cute?” I seriously asked, wanting to know so I can make some improvements, if cuteness is something to be improved, that is, “And please give real answers and not some valley girl answer like this: ‘like no you’re not cute so whatever stop asking me like omg’. Real answers please.”

Wrong thing to say and boy did it ever rub Anna the wrong way. She replied:

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME TODAY THAT I HAVE BEEN CALLED A VALLEY GIRL. I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT ANYMORE! SERIOUSLY. JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, VALLEY GIRL IS A POLITE FORM OF SAYING SLUT AND I REFUSE TO BE CALLED A SLUT SO EITHER RETRACT THAT OR FACE MY WRATH, YOU AND YOUR NONEXISTENT CUTENESS CAN GO TAKE A HIKE OR THROW YOURSELVES DOWN A CLIFF OR WHATEVER YOU FEEL LIKE DOING. JUST STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT! MAYBE THEN PEOPLE WILL GO OUT WITH YOU. PEOPLE LIKE HONEST AND REAL PEOPLE BETTER THAN THEY LIKE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BE POPULAR OR LOOK GOOD OR TRY TO BE “CUTE” SO JUST QUIT WITH THIS. I DON’T FEEL LIKE EXPLAINING TO YOU EXACTLY WHAT MAKES YOU NOT CUTE. YOU CAN ASK DEAR ALURA (no offense to you Alura) SO GET OVER IT AND STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT! HARRUMPH!

That certainly shook me up. I knew I was really trying to ham it up to try to get her to like me, but I did not see myself in that light. In denial that such a thing about me, could be true, I implored Anna, “I want you to read over what you wrote. Is that how you really feel (not about the valley girl things) or is that just you letting off some steam?”

“I’m not sure anymore. I think it might have been me yelling at the world. But you can’t blame me because I’m PMSing. Yeah, you didn’t need to know that.”

“So do I. I don’t think that was really you yelling and I don’t think you really meant what you said. Thanks to your rant, I nearly cried myself to sleep. I’ve been miserable all day. I really didn’t need to know the part about the PMSing.”

“I’m sorry. I’m better now”, was her final reply on the matter. I don’t know if she was sorry about the rant or that she just told me about her current stage in her menstrual cycle, but regardless, she was sorry.

That was not the end of all the drama, though. Just a few days later when the subject of my relationship with Alura got brought up again, Anna once again got on me.

“For the last time” Anna said, “just forget about it. It won’t work. Chill out.”

“I’ll only believe that once Alura says it herself”, was my reply in denial.

“I have to agree with Anna”, Alura chimed in. “I really don’t think it will work.”

“Not even one movie?”, I came back with. If nothing else, I was certainly winning points in the persistence category.

“Is the answer still not obvious?”, Anna replied in defense of Alura, “NO! Stop pushing this or she’ll start hating you. Just stay friends and be happy with that.”

Well, the answer was certainly obvious to anyone not on Cloud 9 head over heels infatuated with someone. Regardless, I was beginning to get a bad vibe.

“I actually am beginning to get a vibe that Alura isn't liking me as much as when I first told her back in March.”, I told Anna in a private email not seen by Alura.

Well, duh you have completely scared her off with all your messages about “Oh I love you! Oh you mean everything to me!" yadda yadda. I told you to relax, but you wouldn't listen to me. She never actually liked you. She always considered you a friend. She told you that, and I told you that, but yet you kept pushing it.

When you are in the denial that I was, you push things sometimes without even meaning to.

A couple months did go by and the subject did change to other things. And we chatted about random happenings such as finals, music, you know, anything people can find themselves talking about. Maybe things had finally settled down. My feelings toward Alura had been calming down and everything would turn out all right. Or maybe this would just be taking things one step closer to the wake-up call of my life.